What happens when you have this stupid fucked up feeling the in pit of your stomach that you don’t belong?
What happens when you loose your senses in the life that is now surrounding you?
What happens when you suddenly stop thinking about things…?
What happens when you feel like you are loosing yourself…?
You just wake up to a bright sunny day and say FUCK IT!
You screw yourself over and over again to get some kind of feeling to know that you are alive, to know that you still have feelings, to know that you breathe, you live, you love, you hate, you try, you give up and you LOOSE! You are gone! Just like that, no-one can pull you back.
I have no idea who I am but at the same time I am confident, and about what? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
I feel like I have forgotten to write. I don’t feel the keyboard close to me anymore. I feel so distant with my thoughts and when it comes to writing them down and expressing myself. I guess probably because I am starting to close up. I am starting to loose myself and my sense and feel in writing. I hate it. I feel like I don’t know myself but at the same time learning that I am a totally different person. I seem to have forgotten even how to type and spell words. I am backspace-ing every single word that I type, getting even the most easiest words wrong. What has happened to me? Do I know who I am or is this just a mask I am disguising myself with? I have lost a part of me which used to always follow me around. I guess you could call it growing up and not having time to worry about those silly little things in your life, which don’t make sense anymore…
Who AM I? What have I done with myself. Is this who I really want to be?